As you've no doubt heard by now, Chad Johnson has legally changed his name to Ocho Cinco - I just wanted to take a moment to send a personal thank you note to Chad Johnson, er, um Ocho Cinco.
Dear Ocho, (Mr. Cinco?)
I just wanted to send you a quick thank you note on behalf of the entire press corps here in Cincinnati - never before could we have even dreamt about having a pair of morons like you and Chris Henry on the same team. We are now assured, each and every week, of some moronic thing of another about which we can write.
Your more talented temmate, T.J. Houshmandzadeh is out for the year now. Your team just cut starting RB Rudi Johnson.
This is going to be an interesting season.
Good luck out there, Mr. Cinco. Jackass.
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Billboarding
Marvin Lewis and the Cincinnati Bungles brain trust, in their infinite wisdom, have brought back much-maligned wide receiver Chris Henry into the fold – doubtless to the joy of the Bengals beat writers, who are now guaranteed at least three juicy stories to cover this year. That joy is not shared by the fans of the orange and black, however. A fan in the Cincinnati area bought space on a billboard along I-75 outside of the city and posted what you see on the left. That got me to thinking, "What if every team had some rich sarcastic fan who wanted to put up billboards so that everybody could read what they have to say?" It'd be like the ultimate blog post, there's not much more of a captive audience than people on the highway. Here are some signs I'd like to see.
Baltimore Ravens: Our defense will kill you (or at least stand by and watch as you are killed)
Houston Texans: At least we didn't pick Reggie Bush.
Tennessee Titans: We're gonna try and have more TDs than INTs this year. Try.
Buffalo Bills: We used to lose Super Bowls.
Miami Dolphins: 2-14 this year? Dare we dream for 3-13?
New England Patriots: We hid the cameras better this time.
New York Jets: He's old, but he's good.
Oakland Raiders: Javon Walker. Good call, Great White Tracksuit.
San Diego Chargers: Built for the regular season.
Chicago Bears: Kyle Orton - Rex Grossman without the arm strength.
Detroit Lions: Hey God, I thought we were your team? Our QB said so...
Green Bay Packers: Teddy T, you won the pissing contest. Congratulations on a 4-12 season.
New Orleans Saints: Jeremy Shockey will behave here, because people change, right? Right?
Arizona Cardinals: Matt Leinart is only dating grad students now, he is maturing.
San Francicso 49ers: Home of #1 overall pick Alex Smith, clipboard jockey.
St. Louis Rams: Thanks for holding out, Steven. Your teammates appreciate you.
Thursday, August 7, 2008
B-B-B-B-B-Brett Favre and the Jets??
Really? Wowwity wow wow WOW. Brett Favre on Gang Green. The country boy goes to the big city. Wait, Eli Manning is also from Mississippi and he seems to be doing just fine in the Big Apple...wait, Joe Namath was a country boy (albeit from PA) who played in NYC to some acclaim.....wait, Phil Simms is a good ol' boy from Kentucky who managed to find his way to some success there.......wait, in 1960, L.S.U. grad Y.A. Tittle was traded from the Niners to the Giants and all he did was throw 36 TDs that year. OK, that last one was a stretch. But still.
RBs - Thomas Jones and Leon Washington. Jones showed last year that he can lug the ball with his 310 carries and you'd have to think that with #4 back there as opposed to the floppy-armed Chad Pennington, Jones's average will rise from last season's 3.6 per carry. Leon Washington is an explosive kick returner who Mangini should get at least five touches per game. He is like Devin Hester, but stronger.
FB - Tony Richardson. Some of Favre's best years were when he had (former Packer FB and current free agent - ahem) William Henderson as an outlet. There was a stretch there when Henderson in the flat was going to happen and there was nothing anybody could do about it. Tony Richardson had more catches than carries last year - so that bodes well.
WRs - Laveranues Coles, Jerrico Cotchery, Brad Smith. Coles is a good receiver who will push 100 catches this year, but is Cotchery really an NFL #2 WR? Brad Smith doesn't seen to have the speed or size to really make it in the NFL as a legit WR, but his high football IQ will keep him on the field. Um, they need some help here. Keyshawn coming out of retirement, maybe?
TEs - Chris Baker, Bubba Franks. The resurgance of Bubba Franks! Brett's favorite target for years and years and years in Green Bay should have fun this season, since as the second tight end he will be covered by LBs when his number is called.
One thing that can be interpolated from this trade is that second-year left tackle D'Brickashaw Ferguson must be having one hell of an offseason. With the way the 'B-word' was being bandied about last year, and it is hard to believe that Jets would sign a 38 year old QB if they didn't think they could keep him upright. The offseason additions of Alan Faneca and Damien Woody make the Favre signing seem much more logical, given that they are two of the pre-eminent offensive linemen in the NFL.
Will it work? A lot of it depends on whether or not the WR corps can step up their game, but maybe they were victims of Pennington's noodle-arm. Only time will tell, which leaves us a nice place to end today's discussion - how long will Favre be a Jet? Three seasons, methinks.
RBs - Thomas Jones and Leon Washington. Jones showed last year that he can lug the ball with his 310 carries and you'd have to think that with #4 back there as opposed to the floppy-armed Chad Pennington, Jones's average will rise from last season's 3.6 per carry. Leon Washington is an explosive kick returner who Mangini should get at least five touches per game. He is like Devin Hester, but stronger.
FB - Tony Richardson. Some of Favre's best years were when he had (former Packer FB and current free agent - ahem) William Henderson as an outlet. There was a stretch there when Henderson in the flat was going to happen and there was nothing anybody could do about it. Tony Richardson had more catches than carries last year - so that bodes well.
WRs - Laveranues Coles, Jerrico Cotchery, Brad Smith. Coles is a good receiver who will push 100 catches this year, but is Cotchery really an NFL #2 WR? Brad Smith doesn't seen to have the speed or size to really make it in the NFL as a legit WR, but his high football IQ will keep him on the field. Um, they need some help here. Keyshawn coming out of retirement, maybe?
TEs - Chris Baker, Bubba Franks. The resurgance of Bubba Franks! Brett's favorite target for years and years and years in Green Bay should have fun this season, since as the second tight end he will be covered by LBs when his number is called.
One thing that can be interpolated from this trade is that second-year left tackle D'Brickashaw Ferguson must be having one hell of an offseason. With the way the 'B-word' was being bandied about last year, and it is hard to believe that Jets would sign a 38 year old QB if they didn't think they could keep him upright. The offseason additions of Alan Faneca and Damien Woody make the Favre signing seem much more logical, given that they are two of the pre-eminent offensive linemen in the NFL.
Will it work? A lot of it depends on whether or not the WR corps can step up their game, but maybe they were victims of Pennington's noodle-arm. Only time will tell, which leaves us a nice place to end today's discussion - how long will Favre be a Jet? Three seasons, methinks.
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
trading bays (part 2)
Tampa is a 45-minute helicopter flight from Hattiesburg, Mississippi. Where Brett lives.
The Super Bowl is in Tampa this year.
The Super Bowl is in Tampa this year.
trading bays?
The latest rumblings from the NFL have Brett Favre changing Bays and going from Green to Tampa...which is exactly what Peter King said would happen. Sure, we've all heard the jokes about Gruden collecting quarterbacks and adding Favre will bring this year's tally in camp up to six. Chris Simms is probably going to be a Cowboy before the week is out and the other non-starting QBs are career backups at best.
Bringing in Favre will all but open the door for current Buc starter Jeff Garcia to go to a team that needs a quarterback (Chicago, anyone?) since we know he won't be too amenable to backing up Favre. It was just over a week ago that Garcia held a press conference saying he was going to hold onto his job so tightly as to "choke it to death". Jeff, I've got news...
How good of a fit will Brett be with the rest of the offense? Let's take a look:
RB - Earnest Graham and Cadillac Williams (if Cadillac is healthy) provide a helluva one-two punch, which is going to be paramount in protecting Old Man Brett. Both are capable of 1,000 yard seasons and safeties will have to keep an eye on these guys, freeing up Favre to fling it downfield to...
WRs Ike Hilliard, Mark Clayton (no, not that one) and the ageless Joey Galloway. Hilliard and Clayton are both serviceable WRs and if Joey Galloway can recapture the lightning he found in his Centrum Silver bottle last year then he can become Brett's 'new' Donald Driver. With three solid wideouts spreading the field and the strong safety needing to keep an eye in the backfield, the middle of the field should be wide open for...
TEs Jerramy Stevens and Alex Smith, both of whom could start on most teams in the NFL. As Brett showed through his many years of dumping off to Bubba Franks and then the monster he made out of Donald Lee last year, he is certainly not against throwing to the big guys.
Of course, it's all just mental masturbation until something happens...
Bringing in Favre will all but open the door for current Buc starter Jeff Garcia to go to a team that needs a quarterback (Chicago, anyone?) since we know he won't be too amenable to backing up Favre. It was just over a week ago that Garcia held a press conference saying he was going to hold onto his job so tightly as to "choke it to death". Jeff, I've got news...
How good of a fit will Brett be with the rest of the offense? Let's take a look:
RB - Earnest Graham and Cadillac Williams (if Cadillac is healthy) provide a helluva one-two punch, which is going to be paramount in protecting Old Man Brett. Both are capable of 1,000 yard seasons and safeties will have to keep an eye on these guys, freeing up Favre to fling it downfield to...
WRs Ike Hilliard, Mark Clayton (no, not that one) and the ageless Joey Galloway. Hilliard and Clayton are both serviceable WRs and if Joey Galloway can recapture the lightning he found in his Centrum Silver bottle last year then he can become Brett's 'new' Donald Driver. With three solid wideouts spreading the field and the strong safety needing to keep an eye in the backfield, the middle of the field should be wide open for...
TEs Jerramy Stevens and Alex Smith, both of whom could start on most teams in the NFL. As Brett showed through his many years of dumping off to Bubba Franks and then the monster he made out of Donald Lee last year, he is certainly not against throwing to the big guys.
Of course, it's all just mental masturbation until something happens...
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
maybe the NFL is not the National Favre League
Well, this Favre mess is getting messier and messier - it now appears that the Packers will not hold an open quarterback competition as they said yesterday that they would. It is seeming more and more like Teddy T's real goal in this situation is to go down in sports history as the man who forced the NFL's all-time QB stats leader to retire.
It looks as if Roger Goodell is going to have to step in yet again and force the Pack to either let Favre compete or make them trade him. Why isn't that tampering? Because it is in the best interest of the league for Brett Favre to be on the field and it is Goodell's job is to do what is best for the league.
It looks as if Roger Goodell is going to have to step in yet again and force the Pack to either let Favre compete or make them trade him. Why isn't that tampering? Because it is in the best interest of the league for Brett Favre to be on the field and it is Goodell's job is to do what is best for the league.
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